your monkey called

Rotten Tomatoes Decoder

Tue, 21 Apr 2020 00:03:28 -0700

Rotten Tomatoes Decoder

How to Talk to Your Kids About Donald Trump

Wed, 17 Jan 2018 14:09:40 -0800

My son had a lot of questions about Donald Trump and why his presidency is so extraordinary. In case it’s helpful for other parents out there, here’s how I answered him.

Hey buddy, I know you have some questions about this president and where he stands on the issues, so I thought we could take a second and talk about it, ok?

See this pizza? Let’s say this pizza stands for all the money and resources we have in this big beautiful country. On one hand, Democrats want to make sure everyone gets a share. They might take a little more from a guy who’s got a big slice, so that everyone can eat. Republicans, on the other hand, believe that each person should get the slice that they worked for, and if someone didn’t work as hard, they don’t deserve as much pizza. They believe that the pizza they earned is the pizza they should be able to eat.

Makes sense so far? OK, now for Trump… hold on a sec, unnnffff, I know little man, this is hard to watch, please, mmmrrrrffff, don’t cry, I’m trying to teach you something here. Urrrggnnhh. OK.

See what I did? I took a shit on the pizza.

In Trump’s America, we’re all eating a big pile of shit on top of any slice we take, no matter how big or small. So now I’m gonna need you to go ahead and choose a slice. No, this is for your own good. Take a sl — TAKE A GODDAMN SLICE OF THE SHIT PIZZA. Good, that’s good. Now eat the, no, don’t try to run away, take a FUCKING BITE OF THE SHIT PIZZA, SON. We’re not going anywhere until EAT IT! EAT IT! EAT IT! Chew, now swallow, SWALLOW, good.

Ok, buddy? Do you get it now? That’s Trump!

By the way you’re adopted.

Workin’ on some inspirational posters to give the folks around...

Mon, 02 Nov 2015 14:14:14 -0800

Workin’ on some inspirational posters to give the folks around the office a boost!

Has Uber gone too far?

Sat, 31 Oct 2015 16:01:14 -0700

Has Uber gone too far?

Ugh best

Tue, 27 Oct 2015 09:46:35 -0700

Ugh best

“Frightened Squirrel Scott Simpson,” by Jake Bilbrey

Thu, 22 Oct 2015 10:32:47 -0700

“Frightened Squirrel Scott Simpson,” by Jake Bilbrey

mattgubser: Cheaper than Therapy is now THREE nights a week!...

Fri, 02 Oct 2015 12:48:53 -0700

mattgubser:

Cheaper than Therapy is now THREE nights a week! Join Eloisa Bravo, Jon Allen Scott Simpson, and guests every Thursday through Saturday at the Shelton Theatre in San Francisco!

Details & tickets at cttcomedy.com

What the heck, this is the best.

Tue, 29 Sep 2015 12:21:27 -0700

What the heck, this is the best.

Hideki Tojo - Wikipedia

Sat, 19 Sep 2015 11:23:01 -0700

Hideki Tojo - Wikipedia:

“Tojo was arrested and underwent emergency surgery in a U.S. Army hospital. After recovering from his injuries, Tojo was moved to Sugamo Prison. While there he received a new set of dentures made by an American dentist. The phrase ‘Remember Pearl Harbor’ had been secretly drilled into the teeth in Morse code.”

merlin: My favorite monthly ritual is on the afternoon of the...

Sun, 17 May 2015 21:18:34 -0700

merlin:

My favorite monthly ritual is on the afternoon of the second Thursday of the month when Scott reminds me what we talked about at Three Ring Binder just 16 hours earlier.

It always makes me laugh. Because I’m like that.

Conrad and The SteamplantThis is the best.

Fri, 15 May 2015 19:19:48 -0700

Conrad and The Steamplant

This is the best.

Photo

Fri, 03 Apr 2015 19:05:24 -0700

Wow, Williams-Sonoma Has Everything!

Wed, 11 Mar 2015 13:18:11 -0700

Wow, Williams-Sonoma Has Everything!

HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT IN 4 EASY STEPS

Tue, 03 Feb 2015 11:53:51 -0800

aaronbleyaert:

I’ve spent the past year losing 80 lbs and getting in shape. A lot of people have been asking me how I did it; specifics like what diet I was on, how many times a week I worked out, etc etc. So I thought I’d just answer everyone’s questions by giving you guys step by step instructions on how you can achieve everything I have… IN JUST 4 EASY STEPS! Ready? Here we go!!!

1.) NO BEER
This is a big one, and one that you’ve probably heard before. Every time you drink a beer, it’s like eating seven slices of bread. That’s a lot of bread!

2.) PORTION CONTROL
This is especially true when you go out to eat at restaurants. A good trick to do is when your meal comes, cut it in half and right away ask for a takeout container, so that you can save the rest for later - and even better, if you start your meal out right by ordering lean meats and veggies, you’ll slim down in no time!

3.) HAVE YOUR HEART BROKEN

Read More

This is great.

I want to be Super Hans.

Wed, 14 Jan 2015 15:06:22 -0800

I want to be Super Hans.

Rejected Tweets Vol. 3, “That’s What I Call...

Tue, 13 Jan 2015 19:50:48 -0800

Rejected Tweets Vol. 3, “That’s What I Call Tweets!”

Wow they make greeting cards for everything now.

Tue, 13 Jan 2015 19:07:13 -0800

Wow they make greeting cards for everything now.

Dammit

Mon, 15 Dec 2014 10:49:00 -0800

Dammit

ザ・スミス Galileo Galilei’s cover-plus-Japanese-lyrics version...

Thu, 06 Nov 2014 11:20:00 -0800

ザ・スミス

Galileo Galilei’s cover-plus-Japanese-lyrics version of “The Boy With the Thorn In His Side.”

Is delightful.

Side note: They also do a great Wilco cover.

Love our local library.

Mon, 20 Oct 2014 14:12:00 -0700

Love our local library.